Portrait 2: Stuck In The Middle
by lwbush
Summary: Joxer worries that Xena, aware that he and Gabby have a new relationship, will do something to end it.


# Stuck in The Middle

Second story in the "Portraits" series

By Lori Bush

Disclaimer: Xena, Joxer and Gabrielle do not belong to me – they are the property of Renaissance Pictures and Universal/USA Studios. I intend to make no profit off of this, and the only things of value I have are my children, so don't bother suing me – they still need college tuition, and if you get them, you'd have to pay it

Rating: PG

Violence: Imagined

Sex: All off-stage, sorry

This story is the second in a series that assumes that "it" happened. The first story is "I'd Be Better Off…" Now that Gabby and Joxer are together, what are the issues and incidents they have to deal with? This story was actually written _after_ the third story in the series, "A Matter of Trust", because my beta reader, editor and all around thorn in my side G, Chris said there was a gap between the other two that needed filling. Thanks a bunch, Chris. No, really, thank you Chris – you edited, questioned and helped with this, like you always do.

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Joxer figured it was as good a time as any to die. He had everything he ever wanted now anyway, so his life was pretty much complete. Well… he'd really never really managed to become a great warrior like he wanted to, but he traveled with one, so that would have to do. He picked absently at the bark on the fallen tree he sat upon. _I mean, why else would Xena want ME to go with her on a mission and leave Gabby behind?_ It could be worse he supposed – she'd probably take it easy on him, and not make him suffer too much.

He was in the woods, a few yards behind Cyrene's inn. They had arrived in Amphipolis this morning, and now Xena and Gabby were helping Xena's mom in the kitchen, preparing the noon meal. He had offered his help as well, but the speed of their refusal was mind-boggling. He wondered vaguely if he would ever live down that incident with the radish stew…

It had been two weeks since Xena had returned from Thebes. He had finally spoken his heart to Gabby and the bard had become _his_ in every sense of the word. His recent life had been Elysium, punctuated with pure Tartarus. Elysium because he was in love, and after so long, she had come to realize the feeling was mutual. Before Xena had returned, he had been able to hold her in his arms, and show her everything that he had kept hidden for so long. Tartarus because since then, they had had only stolen moments together, both of them a little frightened of pushing Xena's tolerance of their relationship too far. Neither of them thought she didn't know. Xena had the best deductive mind in all of Greece, and it wasn't as if they'd really tried to hide things – they couldn't. If nothing else, there was the fact that Gabby had fallen asleep in his room the first night Xena was back, even though she had been planning to go back to the room the two of them were supposed to share. The Warrior Princess had never brought it up, but her eyes had been a little sad that next morning.

And now, Xena was going to kill him. He knew full well he wasn't good enough for the Amazon Queen, but he had hoped that the punishment for stepping beyond his appointed place in life would be somewhat less _permanent._ He figured she hadn't killed him yet because she didn't want to do it in front of Gabrielle. In spite of his impending demise, he still had to admire her tact – it really was in far better taste to kill your friend's lover out of her sight. He did wonder what she would tell Gabby. He brightened slightly – maybe she would just send him away, not kill him. But to be banished forever from Gabrielle – he slumped back down, resting his face in his hands. He had really kind of thought Xena liked him, too. But he guessed that had been before Gabby gave her heart to him. He sighed, and pulled himself to his feet. It was about time for the midday meal, and he had to act like things were normal, for Gabby's sake.

"There you are," Cyrene greeted him warmly. "We were about to start without you." Joxer smiled thinly, and sat down at the only empty spot – beside his sweet bard. She saw his drawn face, and reached under the table to squeeze his leg briefly. He looked at her and smiled a bit more realistically. He realized that in spite of his concerns, he was famished. He tore off a bit of the bread before him, and dipped it into the hot liquid in the bowl. He closed his eyes as he savored the rich warmth of the food. 

Xena spoke up. "I'm going to stay in my old room tonight. The inn is pretty crowded right now, so I'm going to put you two in a room together." Joxer suddenly choked on his food. Gabrielle began pounding on his back, and Cyrene pushed a mug of mixed wine into his hands. After a few minutes work, he managed to breathe again, having consumed most of the contents of the mug in an effort to clear his throat. He looked wide-eyed into the blue eyes across from him, which were more than a bit amused. He dropped his gaze to the table, unable to make any sense out of what was happening here. Then the thought occurred to him that he should thank Zeus that he would be able to spend his last night on earth in the arms of the woman he loved. Maybe this was Xena's parting gift to him.

The rest of the afternoon went by without further incident. Xena had gone off to collect supplies for their mission tomorrow _(Poison?_ Joxer wondered), while he and Gabby unpacked, groomed Argo and helped Cyrene around the inn. While in the stable, they had discussed Xena's unexpected announcement. While he didn't share his fears with Gabrielle, it was interesting to hear that _she_ thought Xena was sending them the message that she had finally come to terms with their relationship. When she pulled his face down to hers and gave him a long kiss, he found that he really didn't care what the mission with Xena would bring. He would live for today – for tonight. 

He was unusually silent again at dinner, but a bit more relaxed. There was an uncomfortable moment when Gabby announced it was time to go to bed, looking right at him as she said it. He blushed slightly, seeing a strange look cross Xena's face at the bard's words, but he managed to get up the stairs without falling over anything, and from there on in, he forgot to worry about what would happen tomorrow.

He was up early the next morning, dressing as quietly as he could so as not to wake the bard. She was so impossibly beautiful asleep – he wanted this to be his last memory of her. He had finally decided that Xena would probably just send him away, rather than kill him, and for this he was eternally grateful. He was certain that if he died, it would be too hard on Gabby, and that was sure to occur to Xena as well. He slipped out the door without so much as a final kiss, because he wanted to make this easy, and it wouldn't be if she woke up. 

The Warrior Princess was waiting for him at one of the tables. An empty plate lay before her, while another full one waited across from her. Silently, he slid onto the bench and began eating. Xena studied the man across the table. She had run through close to every emotion possible in relation to him during the past two weeks. She had hated him briefly, but she soon realized she cared for him too much to hold onto her anger. She knew he was concerned about the mission they were about to embark upon, and she felt a twinge of guilt that she had allowed him to suffer so about it. She supposed she was still a little mad at him. He finished his food and nodded, and without a word, they rose and went outside. He fastened his bag to Argo's saddle, and they headed off.

As the day wore on, she realized that he must have been REALLY worried, because he never once asked her what they were going to do. He wasn't humming, or singing either. He just trudged along, his head down, his mind a million miles away. They had traveled two hours in this gloomy silence, before she couldn't stand it any more. She pulled the reigns back, bringing Argo to a stop. She turned to him, and said pleasantly, "I think we need a break. Why don't we stop here?" They were beside a field that sloped gently down to a small stream, and turning Argo loose to enjoy the grass, she took Joxer by the arm, and pulled him down to the stream bank. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, she pulled some flat bread out of the bag, breaking it into several large pieces and offering him some. After a few moments of indecision, he sank to the ground, accepting the bread and opening the water skin he carried, passing it to the warrior woman.

Xena really thought she had this all sorted out now – that was why she'd waited so long to approach him about this. She felt that her magnanimity on offering them the shared room was evidence of that. The "mission" she needed him for was just a front – they were simply delivering a message to a local prince about a certain warlord who had been captured in a nearby kingdom. She could have done it by herself – heck, even _Joxer_ could have done it by himself. She could have sent a hired messenger, for that matter. Xena just needed to talk to him alone, and this seemed the easiest way. Now that he was sitting here in front of her though, she was wondering if she had thought this out enough. It was not something she usually questioned, but this _was_ an unusual situation. Realizing that they had been sitting for quite a while in silence, she knew that the first move was up to her.

"Joxer," she said softly, watching his head pop up in surprise. "We need to talk." She saw something, perhaps fear, being pushed back by the determination in his eyes. He swallowed hard, and nodded. She continued,"Things seem to have changed." _Now that could be the greatest understatement ever,_ she thought dryly. 

"Yeah," he said, nodding, "and I think I know how you feel about it. You want to get rid of me now, don't you?" He never looked up, so he never saw the surprise in her steel blue eyes. "I've always known that what you and Gabby have is special, and I know that you don't want me to come between you. You probably think you can scare me away, right? Joxer the idiot, the mouse? Well, this morning I had decided I would go if you asked me to, but I've changed my mind. I can't live without her any more than you can." His head lifted, and she saw an admirable strength in his expression. She had seen it once or twice before – it was part of what had originally made her welcome him as a companion.

She moved towards him, and saw him stiffen. He looked at her defiantly. "If you kill me, you'll have to face her afterwards. I don't think she'd be very happy."

"Joxer, I was about to say I didn't think you were such an idiot, but now I'm not so sure," she said angrily. "I _do_ love her, and I don't want to see anyone ever hurt her, but I wouldn't kill you to keep you away from her. And I wasn't going to send you away, either. I just wanted to talk to you about all this. Just _talk_, you moron."

The Warrior Princess saw him shrink back into himself, and she mentally cursed her own angry tongue. She pulled herself together. "I'm sorry Joxer. If I can call you names and treat you this badly, I shouldn't wonder that you think I could send you away just because of your relationship with Gabrielle. I was just mad that you thought so little of me, but I guess I can see why." 

Her voice was soft, gentle. He sat back up straight, and looked at her again. Xena had never apologized to him about anything, that he could remember. This must be important to her. He looked down again. "I just knew you've seemed upset lately – I wasn't sure _how_ upset you were." He realized that his own overactive imagination had done it to him again – anytime he let it run wild, it got him into trouble. 

Xena snorted. "I usually do a better job at hiding what I'm feeling, don't I?" She took a quick look – he hadn't responded to the admittedly lame attempt at humor. "I was pretty mad for a while – at both of you."

"Yeah, well, we sort of suspected as much. We were _both_ a little afraid of you for a while." Okay, she wasn't planning to kill him, so maybe a little raw honesty would be accepted. He hoped so.

She smiled wryly. "You know, with what I do, I like to think that I can't be surprised – that I'm ready for everything. I usually am, too – but not for this. It just blindsided me, and I didn't handle it too well. I guess I thought it would never change – you and me and her – three friends together forever. For all you talk about how special things are between me and Gabrielle, you and I have a pretty special relationship too. I've seen you change and grow a lot, Joxer, and mostly, I've liked what I've seen. I would be just as upset if you went away. This…" she spread her hands, encompassing everything, "just _complicates_ things."

He smiled for the first time. "It doesn't have to change things that much. I know that if we both didn't want to stay with you, we'd probably be gone already. She and I _have_ talked about this together, you know."

Xena stood up. "I'm getting more used to the idea, just give me a little longer. C'mon." She reached out her hand, helping him to his feet. They were eye to eye for a minute, and she surprised herself by pulling her gaze away first. She looked at the ground for a moment, then cuffed him lightly on the arm. "You hurt her, I _will_ kill ya," she said in a jesting tone. 

He grabbed both her arms, causing her to look at him in alarm. "If I hurt her, I'll kill myself," he said, seriously. He turned her loose, and she stood there as she watched him walk back to the road. She whistled for Argo, and followed the tall figure ahead of her. 

They walked on, their silence more comfortable now. He did seem to be picking up the pace, however. Her legs were almost as long as his, but when she found herself having to run a little to catch up with him, she grabbed his arm. "What's the hurry?" she asked, once he stopped. 

He grinned. "The quicker we get to wherever the Tartarus we're going, the quicker I can get back to Gabby. You give me a free room to share with her, and then you haul me off so I can't enjoy it." He turned and resumed his long strides. She snickered, and followed. He turned his head as she came along side him. "What exactly are we doing, anyway?"

She liked seeing him smile again. "Talking," she answered shortly.

"So this whole mission was so we could talk?" He stopped dead. "Should I be heading back to your mother's place now?" 

She grabbed his arm. "No, we really do have a mission, but it isn't that important. We're pretty close to a small town ahead. We'll stop, get some lunch, and hire a messenger to take this news the rest of the way. I think I need to get you back to Gabrielle." She tugged at him, and he continued on with her. 

As they strode purposefully along, Joxer thought he was hearing things. He slowed his pace. No, Xena really _was_ humming. He joined her in the song – "Joxer the Mighty, roams through the countryside…" He threw his arm around her companionably. She joined him in the lyrics, both of them belting out the words and smiling widely.

Gabrielle was out in the courtyard. She had helped Cyrene do the lunch cleanup, and prepare what they could ahead for dinner, but it was mid-afternoon, and there was little that needed her attention right now. She wondered how things were going with Xena and Joxer. He had been tense all day yesterday, although he seemed happy enough last night. She knew Xena had been bothered for the last couple of weeks, but she also knew the Warrior Princess would talk to her when she was ready, and not before. She was so deep in her thoughts, she didn't hear the running footsteps until just before she was swept up by strong arms, and spun around. She squealed, and Joxer set her down, and wrapped her in his arms, kissing her firmly. She threw her arms around his neck, then pulled away as Xena approached.

"Don't stop on my account," the warrior woman said, dryly. Gabrielle looked skeptically at her.

"It's okay – we talked. She's okay with it – with _us_." Joxer pulled her close again. "I missed you."

She laughed. "Joxer, you've only been gone for seven hours. It can't be that bad." His face fell. She buried her nose in the crook of his neck, and whispered, "I missed you, too."

Xena felt that small sore spot in her heart start to ache, but she knew it wasn't about them so much as it was about her. She turned and took Argo to the stables, hoping they hadn't seen her face. Looking back over her shoulder, she realized that all her friends could see right now was each other.

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End file.
